Three things seemed inevitable. First, that LeQuit James would finally buy his way into a championship. Second, that a small portion of the local population would hop on his bandwagon. Third, that the first two would get on my very last nerve.
Let's make something clear to you, bandwagon Heat fans: Don't come back. We don't want you back. When Kyrie Irving and the young Cavs are stars, and start dominating the NBA, you'll want to buy tickets. Don't. Don't go to the store and buy the jerseys like you were with us all along. Don't call the sports stations and pretend you knew it all along. Don't, under any circumstances, be like your alleged pal and give us the lame excuse "But I just had to!" and try to return. Sorry. The ship has sailed, and you were on it.
Oh, I know what you think you know. You think because he was born here, that he's doing it for you. He's not. He doesn't love Akron or Cleveland anymore. If he did, he'd still be here. Real Akronites cheer for the team that's 45 minutes away, not a plane flight away. He didn't give a whiff for Akron when he went on live worldwide TV and told us he wanted a divorce, because he'd found a prettier hometown.
You still insist he's our hometown kid, and you want to cheer for him anyway, right? Okay. Announce to your friends that you'll be cheering for the Steelers, because James Harrison's from here and still really loves Akron. Laud the Cardinals, because Beanie Wells is proud to be from here. Don't forget the Yankees, because Steinbrenner's from here, and he loved this area too.
If you're going to make me sick to my stomach looking at you, listening to you now, then you're all in. Yes, it is "so wrong" that you want to hop on his championship bandwagon. That's why you can't come back. If you're going to sell your soul to the Devil, you can't come back to Heaven to raid the fridge.
